An ugly job, but it’s a living

That boy’s as sharp as a pound of wet liver


Foghorn Leghorn would have a field day with John Wyatt Weaver. John boy likes to rummage around in other folks’ homes to see what odds and ends he might find laying around. We call that burglarizing around these parts.

John was somewhat fond of stealing guns, but he wouldn’t turn down an appetizing snack grabbed out of someone else’s Fridgidaire. When a series of burglaries were discovered around Gladstone, Kansas in November, the police were left with few clues. One curious thing that they did find was a direct link between two crime scenes when some chicken bones that were found thrown about at one scene were believed to have come from some fried chicken stolen at another location.

At one of the crime scenes, the homeowner reported several shotguns, rifles and handguns missing. Investigators at the scene found six chicken bones scattered around the residence — leftovers authorities believe were stolen from a refrigerator at the earlier burglary.

That’s a clue son, I say that’s a clue.

Some enterprising police officer submitted the remnants of the thief’s snack to the Kansas City Crime Lab for DNA analysis. The techs were able to extract DNA from the saliva left behind and matched it with a suspect.

The Kansas City crime lab examined the bones for DNA evidence, which was entered into a national database. White said the DNA matched that of Weaver, a convicted felon whose DNA had been entered into the national database. Weaver has been arrested on 33 felony charges and has 16 felony convictions for second-degree burglary, stealing, tampering, receiving stolen property, automobile theft and resisting arrest.

Well paint me green and call me a pickle!

The prosecuting attorney, Daniel White, thought it all too hilarious. “The facts of this are more amusing than anything I can say…”

John Weaver is probably sitting on his bunk right now trying to wrap his mind around the concept of DNA. It’s likely to be a long process – John will be missed at next month’s Kansas City Mensa Club meeting.

What would Foghorn say? That boy’s smart. Got a mind like a steel trap – rusted shut and full of mice.


2 responses

  1. Way too much fun for a working man, this is close to Home Alone 2 and the “sticky bandits”.

    7 January, 2008 at 7:53

  2. Pingback: If you’re following a link from CNN… « Cerberus at the gate

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